Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday Flip Off -- Depression! Anxiety!

Thanks to Momma Kiss for hosting the Friday Flipp Off. And  big apology to her, from me for messing it up!!

So this is my first Friday Flip off, and I'm pretty sure I did it all wrong!! But for my virgin flip off, I'm giving the ole bird to depression and anxiety.

I 'crashed' this week, as they call it in the medical world. I slipped back into my old ways, and was brought up short by my loving husband. Granted, he did this by freaking out, but the fact remains that he did it and I heard him. Three months ago I would not have heard him. First, I admitted that he was right -- oh, that was so humilating and heart wrenching. But I did it.

Then I called my psych. Then I got my bum to my therapist. Once there I cried and yelled. Dammit! I felt so amazing, why was I crashing? I mean, I know they said it would happen, but really? I guess I didn't believe them. They both said that when the weather turned and the barometric pressure changed drastically, as it did this week, that I would be affected. That this was 'normal' among people with depression. I didn't believe them. Turns out these people with medical degrees know what they are talking about. My psych adjusted my meds and my therapist added in another session.

Then I threw myself on the mercy of a new friend and told her my truth. I needed a babysitter desperately and well, I was out of ideas. So there I was, on her door step, crying and once again humilated, just praying she would understand. Turns out she has her Masters in Counseling. Her sister has suffered from Bi-polar for years and spent a month in a facility after her third child was born. So basically, Michelle gets it. She held me while I cried, she prayed with me. She was the most awesome friend. She didn't run screaming into the night. She didn't judge me. In fact she later called me to pick her daughter up from the bus stop. Huh. So maybe humbling myself before her had it's benefits. I gained a true friend.

But still? Here's the bird, depression.