Kim, who has always been one of my biggest supporters, asked me to write a guest post on what it’s like to blog about living with mental illness. For a few weeks I lingered in writer’s block every time I tried to think of what to write. Then a common little saying popped into my head.
The benefit outweighs the risk.
This was said to me when I was 21 weeks pregnant with my second son. I needed to be medicated due to a bad case of antenatal depression. I cried to my OB telling her that it couldn’t be good for the baby.
She looked straight at me and answered, “Neither is a mom who can’t take care of herself while she’s pregnant or after her baby is born. The benefit outweighs the risk.”
She was absolutely right. Soon Brigham was born and it was one of the most memorable and blissful times of my life. The benefit most definitely outweighed the risk.
I think the same could be said of blogging about depression.
I understand the risks. Every time I write a post about depression I know more people will read it than any other posts I write. It is easily reflected in my blog stats. I get sad and the readers, they come a running. I would like to believe that they are there because they worry about me or they want to learn more about it. But I’m sure some of it is the ambulance-chaser mentality. Watching people falter is fun for some people.
The risks grew as my family members and friends started reading my blog. Even my mom reads it now! I used to share stories of my most difficult times only to the strangers who stumbled upon my blog. Now people I know and love read the words I write. Worrying them is never my intention. Writing is my outlet. It is the way I repair what is broken. It makes me happy and helps me heal. I know they understand that.
Blogging about something so personal means I have to moderate comments. It is sad but I have received a few hateful anonymous comments that if published would erupt into a catfight below my post. I don’t want that negativity on my blog so those go straight to the blog landfill.
One of the worst comments I ever received said that I needed to “shut the f**k up” about my depression and write about something else. They told me no one cares about it. Best believe that went unpublished. But it didn’t stop me from wondering if this person was right.
It can be risky to share so much. But for every hateful comment I receive there are also beautiful and uplifting emails sent to me each and every time I post about my struggles.
This email was sent to me after pressing publish on one of the most difficult posts I have ever written involving suicidal thoughts.
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I am sitting at work reading your blog and having a weird "I wasn't the only one" feeling. Mostly because I know that girl. You are brave and strong and truly inspirational. And yes you do deserve to hear that.
Every time I wonder if I’ve shared too much and contemplate quitting I receive an email like the one above. The feeling that I’ve helped someone else in some small way makes me feel like I made the right decision to blog about a taboo subject.
I know talking about mental illness makes some people uncomfortable. But it breaks my heart that many people struggle even more because they feel they aren’t allowed to share it. They are afraid of being made fun of or afraid to be seen as weak or psycho.
I don’t blame them. I used to be afraid.
But being open about mental illness helps me and it seems to help others too. As long as that’s the case I will keep it up. I will continue writing because the benefit outweighs the risk.
{blog} read me
{twitter} tweet me
{facebook} like me
I love you Molly.
ReplyDeleteReally.
You are such an inspiration to me. You reached out to me during a really difficult time in my life and for that I can't thank you enough.
I'm so glad that you blog despite those hurtful comments. I worry too that when I blog about my depression that people will run for the hills or worse...the comments...but it's something that I need to do for me and do for that ONE person who may be struggling and need something to grasp to.
Love you
You really are a good writer. I'm always impressed with you.
ReplyDeleteYes, I also hesitated writing about depression but as you mentioned, folks come out of the woodwork to show their support.
Great post!
Your Friend, m.
I HEART Molly - thank you Kim for featuring her here. Both of you inspire me to let out the 'not always pretty' in life. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for featuring me today, Kim. I hope it helped a few people!
ReplyDeleteLove you and you know I'm always here. Thank you for always being such a wonderful supporter of my blog and me, personally =)
I love you too, Kim. I am so glad I got in contact with you during one of the hardest times in your life. I believe in timing and I feel that even though we have never met, we are kindred spirits. We have so much in common, some of it not very good obviously. But to find friends who help you stand when you are down on the ground . . . that's just priceless. You are one of a kind, Kim. I'm honored to call you my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the wonderful compliment, Devan. You have always inspired me too! I'm so glad I found you on twitter =)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mark. I know you are a new follower of mine but I'm so glad you're along for the ride! There is no better compliment than to tell me I'm a good writer. It is my dream in life to write. I want to share my voice to help others who suffer with mental illness. This NEEDS to be discussed. We all know that millions of people suffer in silence. I understand that being public about it is not for everyone. But at the very least if someone reads my blog who needs a friend, someone who understands, then they won't feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely freak out whenever my mother comments that she's read something on my blog. Because, like you, it started with a way to just get my voice out to the strangers who might stumble across it on the internet. Even the "not strangers" who I met on the internet - well, there was no preconceived idea about who I was by the time they got there, so I had nothing to hide. My friends from childhood & family? Well, I don't want them knowing how often I talk about boobs.
ReplyDeleteAbout the evil commenter (I've had a single comment "hit me below the belt," and it really, really stung) - I can understand someone not wanting to read about depression struggles (I'm not one of these people, I love knowing that there are others who deal with pain and can get through it . . . it helps me for those times that I'm having issues myself), but why not just go onto the next thing? There's absolutely no need to ever, ever say something like that (unless you have said person tied up in your basement, making him or her read every word you write . . . if that's the case, um, maybe you do want to lighten things up a bit :-p)
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