Let me say that again: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
However, I long for this to be true. I've even told my children that when we are out in public during 'school' hours they have to prove to the public how awesomely behaved home schooled children are. That some people look at homeschoolers and think we're weird, so let's prove them wrong by being freakishly polite.
Today we dropped the girls at piano practice, then John and I headed to the grocery store. I absolutely had to go - no milk in the house and these savages consume about a half gallon a day. Since I wasn't feeling good at all yesterday, I had bribed (YES. YES I did) the kids that if they could do all their independent work then work with me while I was on the sofa and they refrained from killing each other, I'd give them a treat. So I needed to pick up Oreo's.
Anyway, all that to say I then decided to spring on John the fact that I think he needs to be gluten free, like me. I've been reading about gluten and behavior/attention issues, and given the immense change in my health when my doctor told me to eliminate it, well, it's not going to hurt to try it with him.
Or perhaps it is.
Because he immediately made the connection that Oreo's are not gluten free. He started to whimper. I told him to pick any GF cookie from the shelf. His lip starts trembling. I turn him to see the candy- the entire candy aisle. Pick, I tell him. A whole Snickers bar? Absolutely. A jumbo Kit Kat? Why not? He reached out for the Peppermint Patties, I went all "Yay me! I rock!" in my head, he dropped his hand, threw back his head and roared. ROARED.
He's had tantrums in stores before so I wasn't concerned at first. Except that he was really loud. I walked away, he followed. And kept yelling. No words, just yells.
An aisle later: Yelling.
Two aisles later: Roaring.
Four later: I'm laughing, which is pissing him off. I realize this is not a good thing - the making him angrier, but you guys- he sounded like a wild animal. And the store was full of people.
And then I realized that it was 3:15. Not quite early enough to be out of school ....but perhaps. My "OMG YOU HAVE TO BE WELL BEHAVED! WE ARE HOMESCHOOLERS! WE ARE POLITE!WE ARE WELL BEHAVED!" siren was going off inside my head. John? His siren was blasting for the world to hear.
So I just walked away. He followed. While we stood in line- he screamed. As I bagged the food- he screamed. As the clerk helped me with the food - he screamed. As we walked to the parking lot, as I loaded the groceries, as I told him to buckle up, as I pulled out of the parking lot, as I drove the entire way back to pick the girls up. All the way home.
After dinner the girls asked for their treat. John started to jump up and down. I walked away. He didn't follow - thank you Lord.
And right now he's upstairs with the girls singing "Roar."