Sunday, November 7, 2010

Guest Blogger: Hormonal Imbalances

Have you ever read someones blog and thought, "I must be friends with this woman."? I totally thought that when I started reading Diana's blog, Hormonal Imbalances. She's intelligent, witty, humble and wise. She looks at life with such a unique view point that I was captured instantly. She also has a wicked sense of humor and makes the keenest observations. The more I read her blog the more I wanted to meet her. I knew we would be fast friends. I knew we'd laugh and giggle like teenagers. That we'd share jokes about our husbands, trade parenting advice. And I was right. How did I convince someone from the blogosphere to actually meet me?? Well, you see, my husband has actually known Diana since she was just a wee bump in her mama's belly :)  So when I went all kinds of crazy for Diana and her blog, I kind of had an 'in' with her already. At the beginning of November my husband and I went to Colorado and Diana and I finally got to meet. Oh, the fun we had! She is beyond awesome. So funny. So fun!  Diana taught me all sorts of bloggy things. And we really talked. I'm healing from depression, and meeting people who know that is hard. She knows. She also knew my story before we 'met.' So I was scared. But she wrapped me in a big hug and said, "So, do we look like you expected?" Then plopped her baby in my arms. Did I mention it was awesome? And now she's agreed to be my first ever guest blogger! After you read her post here, hop on over to her blog,  Hormonal Imbalances. It's all about navigating life as a first time stay at home mom, triumphing over reflux and making friends in  a new city (they just moved). All mixed in with her wicked eye for observation and self examination. You won't be disappointed.

When I met me.

There are many times in my life I wished for a different personality. One that was calmer, more in touch with themselves, a gentle spirit that was always volunteering or giving back to the community. Someone who attended charity balls, dinner parties and cared about looking put together.

I’ve often wished I didn’t blurt out things so quickly without thinking first, or find really childish things still funny. Like someone named Charles Poos on Facebook. (I’m sorry buddy.) I can quote lines from The Office like nobody‘s business, I’ve never thrown a dinner party. I own 1 pair of high heels. I have no idea if they fit anymore.

I’ve had people tell me they think I‘m great, or lately since I’ve been blogging - wished they could meet me in person. My first thought is always, “Why?” I’m afraid people I do get to know initially that like me will tire of me soon enough.

It seems as if at times I embarrass some of my friends - I’m not one to pretend to have it all together or be a great wife and mother, and that may irk people in certain situations. Feeling that way has made it so that I walk on eggshells to avoid truly being me.

For years, I’d hear of Kim - yep, Kim from this blog. My mom talked about her a lot, always ending with, “And she’s just so much fun Diana. You’ll love her.”

So when I finally did get to meet her, it was with great anticipation of someone I’d heard about, then talked to, and then read about. I already liked her, but wasn’t sure what to expect from IRL Kim.

We spent the evening chatting on blogging (I was in heaven), babies, cloth diapers, and sharing reflux stories. I sat at the table and listened to her crack up at things and voice her opinion on topics she cared about. She was quick witted, easy going, frank and practical. Had I come in and pretended to be someone else, I have no doubt she would have figured it out and squashed the fakeness like a bug.

I thought to myself, “I really like her. A lot. You just feel like you know her and she knows you as soon as you meet.”

It was then a realization hit me - what if that’s how some people felt about me? Not that I’m Kim, or she’s me - but maybe the feeling of really and truly liking someone for who they were; no pretense, no airs, no fakeness in Kim. I liked her because she was simply herself and you could tell that.

I began to see my personality in a different light after meeting her. I was proud that I had an opinion, ok with the fact that sometimes I blurt out something everyone else thinks should be kept private. My life isn’t perfect, I’m a little porky, my kid used to barf 120x a day, my husband is a recovering alcoholic, and we have no money. But I’m happy, in love, content with life, and learning to not have to control everything. And all of that makes up me.

Meeting her made me realize I can be me - and some people will like me and some people won’t. And that’s ok. I have to stop caring about or pretending to fit in a certain mold that I’ve placed myself into in hopes everyone will like me. Only not me.

After all, I blog that way - why shouldn’t I live like it too?