Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Fun Bobby

Kate and Lydia over at Rants From Mommyland did a post about The Witching Hour that had me cracking up. You know, about The Witching Hour, right? That time span between 5:30 pm and 7:00 where your children lose their minds? And therefor so do you? About a month ago, during The Witching Hour at my house, I lost my marbles, completely.

You know the drill, we all do. We've spent the entire day cleaning little hands, doing laundry, wiping bums, feeding the hungry numerous times (because my kids are never, ever not hungry), finding the clean laundry spilled all over the dirty floor (that was clean like five minutes ago), wiping more hands, shuttling kids around town, running errands, doing laundry again, mygodwipingbumsagain, and why is there clean laundry on the floor??

And now it's dinner time. And time for Daddy to come home. Praise the Lord and all things that are holy and right, Daddy will be here soon and can distract the children while I cook.

Or not.

Because as I'm attempting to throw together the delicious and nutritious meal that I seriously planned at 8:30 that morning when I had the energy of five women and the patience of Job and has now become a mess of "what will they eat without screaming at me?" the children are bouncing off the walls like rabid raccoons. All with the sweet, loving help of Daddy.

Daddy is tossing John in the air, and Violet - who is much too big for this- is begging for the same. When she is told no, she loses it and begins a full scale nuclear melt down. So now she's stomping across the house, grunting like a wild boar, while John eggs her on, screaming from the air, "Wook at me Biolet! I flying!"

Sarah is literally spinning in circles. Behind me as I cook at our gas stove. Just whirling and laughing. Daddy is yelling, "Whatchya doin' Sarah? Are ya spinning? Do you like to spin? Daddy loves to spin!"
This encourages Sarah to spin faster, now running and spinning all around the island.

Violet joins back in, yelling details about her day to Daddy. Why yelling? Because that is the only way to be heard at this point. I'm standing at the stove twitching and looking for wine.

My husband, having sufficiently riled up the children, asks me how my day was. Only I can't even tell him one thing, because now Sarah is chiming in with how John slapped her and I didn't put him in time out. So John, angry at being tattled upon, retaliates by slapping her right there and then. So Violet tells John to go sit on the stairs. John, completely hyped up from being tossed around, responds by screaming "NO" and inadvertently spitting in her face. Violet busts into tears and begins screaming, "John spit on me!" And Daddy is laughing at the absurdity of it all.

I lose my marbles and yell, "Knock it off! All of you! Silence! Sit! Down! Now! No! Talking! Are! You! In! Sane?!"

And husband, he looks at me and says, "What is wrong? You're completely freaking out. Why?"

And all I could say was, "What??"

And then I realized. Husband, upon arriving home from work, where he has been stressed out all day, sees his children. They are over the moon happy to see him. And he becomes 'Fun Bobby.'

So I tell him, through clenched teeth, "You.Are. Fun Bobby. How nice for you. But Me? I'm SOBER Fun Bobby. And he's not fun at all."

Of course, Husband has never watched a single episode of 'Friends' in his life. So when I say this, all I do is confirm that I am in fact freaking out.


I tried for.ever to find a video of 'fun' Fun Bobby. But all I could find was 'sober' Fun Bobby. And if you're not familiar with Friends? I'm so sorry.

Don't forget to click for Veronica! Here and Here!