Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I Am Beyond Smart. Really.

Since I've teased my husband here for all the world to see, I think it's only fair that I show how incredibly intelligent I am. Because I am, oh I am. Some of my finer moments include: 

*My husband spilled gasoline on his clothing while mowing the lawn. A lot of gasoline. So much that he came inside, stripped off the clothes and jumped in the shower. The smell from the gas -- you know, that veryflammable liquid, was awful. It was really strong in our bedroom and I'd just got done cleaning it. (I know, the nerve!) So I lit some candles. To get rid of the smell. In case you're not following, I lit a flame to get rid of the gas. To say my husband freaked his freak out when he came out of the shower would be a vast understatement.

*When we were selling our first house, the 'staging' rage was just beginning. Everybody was just learning about it. I watched all the shows, wrote down the tips. Then staged our home. One of the ideas, for a small bathroom, was to fill the tub with water  and set a couple white floating candles in the water. It would lighten and brighten the bathroom. I put seven in my tub. It was July. The temperature in the teeny tiny bathroom quickly rose to about 80 degrees, the candles melted into the water and the wax settled onto the bottom of the tub. Where it hardened. So when the first person came to look at the house I was bent over the tub, frantically scrubbing wax off the tub.

*Sarah always has a stuffy nose. Always sneezing. Like, over the top, snotty -gross stuff here. When we were waiting for her allergy test results my mom asked if I'd changed the filter on my vacuum filter lately. Filter? I've had that vacuum for 4 1/2 years and have never seen a filter on it. She pushed a button. And there was this black thing lying there. Oh. A filter. That said should be rinsed every six months.

*When President Reagan died, my husband and I watched the funeral. Now, before I go any further, let me say this. I was exhausted -- emotionally and physically. So, in all fairness my brain was legitimately fried. Reagan is the first president I remember and it was very emotional for me, watching that funeral. As they started the 21 gun salute, I had a question. But I couldn't formulate it correctly in my head. So it came out all  . . . stupid. I said, "Do they use live ammunition for the 21 gun salute?" My husband turned to me, this look of horror on his face. Then slowly said, "Yes, yes they do. They are shelling that town. . . . NO!! What do you mean, Do they use live ammo??" This comes up weekly.

* Some of you may remember this. For those that don't. Let me explain. MommaKiss showed us a picture of a Christmas garland made by her kids out of post its. How adorable, right? So one night, as I'm attempting to make dinner and the kids are attempting to break sound records, I searched my husbands desk, found some post it notes and tossed them at the kids. The loved it. I made an awesome dinner. I took pictures of my genius. A few days later my husband found the pictures. Turns out the post its were 20 year old Star Trek post its that he saved for special occasions. (don't.get.me.started.) EPIC FAIL. I searched the Internet for days trying to find more  of these special occasion Trekkie post its. Then somebody (Hi Tara!) told me I could have some printed (Hi iprint!) Now my husband has 400 post its that say 'Make It So' on them. And I saved the desgin.

How smart are YOU?