I made a huge mistake last night. One of my children had a play date and when the mother picked the playmate up she was drunk.
I didn't figure it out until they were walking down the sidewalk and getting in the car.
I should have figured it out when she couldn't find my house.
When she had to call me four times for directions - and she'd been here just 3 hours earlier.
When I waved her in the drive and she pulled in to the house across the street. (The house across the street is a ranch. Mine is a two story. )
When I smelled excessive mint on her.
When her other daughter said, "Mommy you smell like . . . mint." And I saw the panic in the mom's eyes.
When she stumbled on the sidewalk as she was leaving, I realized.
She wasn't driving. But who's to say the driver wasn't drinking as well? I have no idea.
And, if I had realized right away, what would I have done? Would I have spoken up? Asked if she driving? If the driver had been drinking? I spent hours last night praying that I would have. But I fear I wouldn't have wanted to 'offend' her. And that makes zero sense.
She was drunk. What do I care about her feelings?
But she was the child's mother.
But it was a child. A child.
Somehow I didn't see. I didn't want to believe that a mother would show up drunk for a play date pick up.
And she did.
Both of us failed.
The pour your heart out linky is from Shell at "Things I Can't Say" (http://thingsicantsay.com/)
ReplyDeleteI don't know what I would have done in your shoes, Kim, honestly. Even if you had recognized earlier and asked her about it . . . you run the risk of the person becoming so defensive that she'd grow violent which would have been bad on a whole other level.
Part of me wants to say that I'd have said "well, if it't not too much, why doesn't x spend the night tonight?" or something like that, just to ensure that things were on the up & up . . . but, well, I don't know if I would have done that.
Take comfort in the fact that she wasn't driving.
Wow, I don't know what I would have done, either. Especially not realizing it until she was already walking away.
ReplyDeleteGlad she wasn't the one driving.
Wow that is a hard situation. I don't know what I would have done either. I probably would have been in shock and processed it later.
ReplyDeleteWow. I don't know what I would have done. Have you talked to her recently to at least give yourself some peace they made it home safely? So glad she wasn't driving!
ReplyDeleteI probably would have done the same thing and not really processed it until it was too late. Thank God she at least wasn't driving and hopefully, the person driving was not intoxicated too!
ReplyDeleteUGH.... I have no idea what I would have done either. That's a tough situation.
ReplyDeleteOh girl. It's a tough situation, it is. Being me, the snarky girl that I am, I would probably have said something after the child said the mint comment. Like "Happy hour started at noon?" or whatever...and then asked if she'd want me to drive her daughter home. Don't beat yourself up, hon. Just learn from it for another {hopefully it won't happen again} time.
ReplyDeleteThat's a sticky situation. If I had picked up on it, I might would try to stall her a bit and ask something causally like, "are you sure you are okay to drive?" or "got a dd right?"kind of jokingly so as not to offend her but to still get to the point. Or offer to give her a ride home.
ReplyDeleteThe child is the important part. And mom could have very well have had a DD. But like pp said, just learn from your experience and have the courage to speak up if another situation like this arises because should worse case scenario occur, who gives a rat's ass if mom would have been offended.
Yikes! What a tough situation! I grew up with an alcoholic parent, so I an super sensitive about things like this. I would always say err on the side of safety :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow, that's a tough situation. But to tell you the truth, I don't think I'd have said anything, either. I would have if I knew the mother was driving...but because another person was driving, I bet I'd just assume that the other person wasn't drinking. Ugh, but that's awful, I know. Because what if he or she had been drinking, too? And what if they ended up in an accident and the child had been hurt, or worse? Then I'd have to live with the fact that I could have prevented it. Ugh, what a situation :(
ReplyDeleteThat's horrible. I don't know what I would have done in your situation either. I hope everything turned out ok and this was a one time mistake on her part.
ReplyDeleteShe showed up the following morning to pick up her other daughter, who was sleeping over, acting like nothing had happened. And from the 'mint' comment I don't feel like it's an unusual thing. So sad.
ReplyDeleteI'll definately be more observant and not so, "No way would a mom show up drunk to pick up her kid!" anymore. Which is sad. But it's real.
ReplyDeleteshe was back in the morning to pick up her other daughter, who had slept over. And acting fine. I don't think this was a one time thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. That's a horrible position to be in. What DO you do? It's her kid. You don't want to traumatize the girls but you also don't want to risk her either.
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is that it's a regular thing for them.
It was so sad, and frightening.
ReplyDelete