When You Can't Say What NEEDS To Be Said

 

Oh, I have stuff that needs to be said.  Honest? So, so honest. Necessary? Like you wouldn't believe.  And hurtful? Yes.

But for a lifetime there has been hurt going on, one person consistently hurting others, holding people hostage with the hateful behavior, the irresponsible cutting remarks, the careless words that cause tears and more anger.

And I'm so, so done. This is unfair - the stress of events where everyone is together, the worry of "What will happen? Will there be a blow up? Will it just be covert nastiness?"

However, the repercussions of saying something, of calling this person out on their hatred and telling them NO MORE are scary. Telling them that I, and my family, will not participate in this hurtful drama anymore may be worse than remaining quiet.  Which creates a vicious circle - the behavior holds us hostage, yet confronting this behavior may cause such nastiness that I am afraid, thus holding me hostage.

So, do I go the passive - aggressive direction and just avoid all future contact? Leave them to their crowd where this behavior is evidently acceptable? Or do I call them out on it and tell them exactly why they won't be seeing us?

I just don't know. Perhaps I should wait until I'm contacted for something and then say, "No, and this is why."

Again, a vicious circle that I desperately want to end and I'm of course obsessing over.