12/10 Flip Off

It's Friday already!! So once again I'm linking up with the wonderful and talented Momma Kiss for Friday Flip Off. Are you ready? Get set, go!

A perfectly manicured, soft, wrinkle free middle one goes to aging. There's no need. I don't want the 'fine lines' or the 'smile lines.' I don't want the sagging breasts or extra rim of fat around my middle. I don't want my thighs touching where they are not supposed to. I don't want to buy extra stretchy boots to fit my calves because I'm no longer 20.  I want a late night to be 2 a.m, not 11 p.m. I want to dance the night away -- and not to 'oldies.' But I still want all my babies, all the knowledge I've gained, my husband, my family and my home. Kay? So  I've decided. I get to keep that stuff and not age. My birthday is next week and I'll be . . . older :) 38 to be exact. But I'm pretty sure I'm actually 28. So, a pretty, young, bouncy, pert flip off to you, aging ungracefully!!

Two, very large, fat, ice cream, chocolate and snack covered ones go to men's metabolism. Really? This is some messed up crap. My husband and I started The Flat Belly Diet on Sunday. On Wednesday he weighed himself. He had lost 7 pounds. Read that again. 7 pounds. We started it on Sunday. Suuuunnnnndaaaayyyyy. I? have lost nothing. So, *forget* you, men's metabolism. (unless you're going to lay some of that on me. Then I'm totally fine with it.)

A stinky, dirty, stained one goes to laundry. My lord. I went one day without doing it. A day. And now I cannot catch up. Yesterday it was spilling into the hallway and the kids had to shove the bathroom door open to get to the sink. Do I  have 19 kids? Is my name Michelle Duggar? And today, as I was digging through the mountainous pile? Wet dish cloths. At the bottom. All nasty and smelly.I think I deserve a laundress. Until then, flip it, laundry.

Ahhh. Momma Kiss is such a smart woman. What a great idea. Link up, you'll feel better!


Kim

12/1 Friday Flip Real Quick!

Thanks to Momma Kiss for once again hosting our Friday Flip Off! I have to be superduper quick this week. This is why.

Two very, very large stanky middle ones go to Comcast, my internet provider. I cannot get a signal. Cannot. That is why my posts and commenting have been all choppy this week. And I miss it! I log on, get all happy, then get kicked off. Log on, get kicked off. And, Hello?? Christmas shopping!! They replaced my modem, said, all fixed! They.lied. So, you, Comcast, get the bird, for getting my hopes up and then crushing them. How am I supposed to survive without the internet?

Another large middle finger goes to stomach viruses that hang around forever. Just hang around, waving their hands, making friends. They settle in, get all comfy and ruin the week. Leave.

Also? A bajillion middle ones to cancer. Momma Kiss's friend A is going through it and just shaved her beautiful hair off. Reading about it was gut wrenching. And I'm complaining about internet service. So the big C gets the big F.

Friday Flip 11/26

OK, so here we again for Friday Flip Offs thanks to Momma Kiss. She as usual, totally ROCKS. She doesn't seem to be doing an official Flip today, but I need one.  I am in a sad, sorry mood, so we're going to be short and sweet. Ready, set, go!

Two large, well endowed middle ones go to expectations and being disappointed. Why do I set myself up? Why? My brain knows to not expect even a 'thanks, nicely done.' Yet my heart is still lying on the floor bleeding and crushed. So flip off to being pragmatic. Feel something, damn it!

Many, many bony ones go to babying grown children. Really? At some point you have to cut the cord. For the love of all that is right and good, do it already. Watching it transpire is actually painful.

A large, pointy, dirty finger goes to people who like to share bad, horrible stories about awful things happening to children. Shut up. Do you have a brain? Does that brain have a filter that says, "This might not be something I should share."? Obviously NOT. And when I say, "This is not helping. Stop sharing. Stop!" Do not continue with the story. Do not. For real. So you? Get a big ole bony finger.

And finally, a middle one goes to me, for saying, "I will be nice. I will be Godly, and Christian, and good. I will love, honor and respect." And then, in the end I was yelling things like, "Shut up, shut up, shut up! This is not helping!" and "Really? Did I not just say I wasn't discussing this?" And rolling my eyes, huffing, sighing, hiding, and screaming inside. I allowed my feelings to get hurt when I know better. I allowed myself to get angry when anger is not the answer. I became a 13 year old going through puberty. Except my 13 year old niece does not behave like I did. So I? Get the big ole bird.

Kim

Freakin' Friday Flip Off

I'm linking up with Momma Kiss again and joining her in Friday Flip Off.  Don't forget to stop by and visit her. She's beyond awesome.

Thankfully this week hasn't been too crazy, but there are always a few things that need my attention on these Friday's, and I've neglected them as of late.

First, a large, knobby middle finger to memory loss. I'm still discovering time I've lost due to depression. And to say it sucks is putting it mildly. So memory loss? Flip the flippity flip off.

Second, a very divided bird to wanting to be in two places at once. On Saturday I wanted to be at my daughters 5th birthday party, and I was. It was a blast. I also wanted to be at a concert in Connecticut with two of my friends, in the eighth row.  My favorite artist (*cough* Josh Groban *cough*) was performing in an intimate setting. Where he sang Neil Diamonds Play Me. Which is my fantasy.

picking on Miley, I know. But, c'mon!

Third, two very large and well clothed tall ones go to the unclothed youth of today. Really? Listen, I was hot back in my day. Haaawwt, children. And built. I know, because I look back at the pictures and go, "Daaammnnn. Look at that!" I was also hot while fully dressed. Yes! It's true! There is no shame in being beautiful and knowing it. There is shame in leaving nothing to the imagination. Nothing. If you need to shave and trim your bikini line for an outfit that is not your bikini? The outfit is not appropriate. I would go so far as to say it is trashy. Also? Bra straps, bra cups, bra lace and the like are not fashion statements. They are whore accessories. Honest. Go walk the streets and check it out. Two more tall ones go to the 'screw me' face that seems to be rage with the young crowd. You know the look. The wide eyes. The puckered mouth. The finger to the lips. What. Is. That. ? So, being inappropriately sexy, whorish and in general dressed like a hooker? FLIP IT. (I have two daughters. And a son. Knock the crap off. You'all look like future teenage mothers.)

That is all! :) Ahhh. I feel better already!! Now it's your turn!! Hop on and see how freeing it is!

Kim

Friday Flip Off

I'm linking up with Mama Kiss for the second time and jumping on the 'Friday Flip Off' train. Hope you'll join me!

This week, I'd like to give the big ole middle one to colds. First my husband got a nasty one, now I have it, and I am positive that my head is going to fall off. I'm also positive that my illness lasts longer than his and is harder on me because I'm home all day with the kids. And they're just little petri dishes that pass it back and forth between us. I see them, licking their hands, licking the door knobs . . . ughh.

A nice bird goes to the freshly fallen leaves in my driveway. You look so pretty. I want to rake you into great mounds of leafy goodness and jump in you with my children. But I can't. Because you are wet from all the rain. So here's a bird to you for ruining my fun plans, you nasty wet things.

Two great big middle ones go to the makers of Halloween costumes, who are obviously on crack and pedophiles. The last time I checked a seven year old pirate did not wear fish net stockings and a strategically ripped mini skirt with a shirt that read 'yo ho ho' on it.  (did ya catch the 'ho' part? Nice.)

Eight bajillion trillion bony middle fingers to adulterous husbands. 'Cheating' is too kind a word for it. Because you are not my husband and I can't say this to your face, I will say it here. This is what I think of you: you are a spineless, wussified, puny, sissy, disgrace of a non-man who does not deserve nor will ever deserve the beautiful, kind, devoted woman he has. Sleep with that.

And finally, a big middle finger to the parents of the second grader on my daughters bus who is flipping other second graders off.  You are seven. Tell your parents you are seven. You should be giving out hugs. You should be laughing and telling knock-knock jokes. But you're not. So to the parents, flip off. And no, the irony isn't lost on me.

Kim

Friday Flip Off -- Depression! Anxiety!

Thanks to Momma Kiss for hosting the Friday Flipp Off. And  big apology to her, from me for messing it up!!

So this is my first Friday Flip off, and I'm pretty sure I did it all wrong!! But for my virgin flip off, I'm giving the ole bird to depression and anxiety.

I 'crashed' this week, as they call it in the medical world. I slipped back into my old ways, and was brought up short by my loving husband. Granted, he did this by freaking out, but the fact remains that he did it and I heard him. Three months ago I would not have heard him. First, I admitted that he was right -- oh, that was so humilating and heart wrenching. But I did it.

Then I called my psych. Then I got my bum to my therapist. Once there I cried and yelled. Dammit! I felt so amazing, why was I crashing? I mean, I know they said it would happen, but really? I guess I didn't believe them. They both said that when the weather turned and the barometric pressure changed drastically, as it did this week, that I would be affected. That this was 'normal' among people with depression. I didn't believe them. Turns out these people with medical degrees know what they are talking about. My psych adjusted my meds and my therapist added in another session.

Then I threw myself on the mercy of a new friend and told her my truth. I needed a babysitter desperately and well, I was out of ideas. So there I was, on her door step, crying and once again humilated, just praying she would understand. Turns out she has her Masters in Counseling. Her sister has suffered from Bi-polar for years and spent a month in a facility after her third child was born. So basically, Michelle gets it. She held me while I cried, she prayed with me. She was the most awesome friend. She didn't run screaming into the night. She didn't judge me. In fact she later called me to pick her daughter up from the bus stop. Huh. So maybe humbling myself before her had it's benefits. I gained a true friend.

But still? Here's the bird, depression.