It seems I forgot what struggle is all about. I was struggling only six short months ago, and yet. . . I forgot. I want to forget, so I did. I passed judgement on anothe mom because I didn't feel she was holding up her end of the 'dance mom' bargain. I guess, in my muddled little brain, I held up the 'dance mom' bargain through it all, therefore everyone else could as well.
Slap me now. Go ahead, because honestly? I so deserve it.
I'm not going into details, but I was so.very.annoyed with one mom because she was never present at the rehersals, wasn't in the dressing room for any of the performances. So I shared my annoyance. And my friend very kindly (so very kindly, which I did not deserve) said, "Well, she's recovering from ** cancer. You probably didn't recognize her because her hair is growing in different."
Please. Shoot me. I deserve it. Do I not?
I didn't know. This mom and I weren't friends before, but I certainly passed instant judgement on her without stopping to think for just one moment that she might be in a difficult situation.
Wasn't I in a difficult situation not so long ago? And not a life threatening one. I needed pass after pass from people. Ride after ride for my kids. Favor after favor. And I didn't have the grace to give this woman a weekend? Two performances?
It's all I've been thinking about since finding out yesterday afternoon. I laughed with the other mom's throughout the day, but inside I was so horrified. So sad. How could I have forgotten? How could I have done this? Where was my support? Where was that notion that we women, we moms have to stand together and support eachother? I was negative, ugly, judgemental. I am ashamed.
To all the people who helped me, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
To the mom that I judged, I am sorry. I truly hope you never know. If you do . . . well. I deserve to be embarassed by that.
To the moms and women out there that need support and encouragement, I am not going to forget again. I will support you and help you any way I can.
We all have our moments like that from time to time. It's what makes us human. The fact that you immediately felt remorse for it and learned from it is what makes you a good person.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Diane. We all have moments like that. But it sounds like you learned your lesson and you know to think twice next time. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Kim,
ReplyDeleteGranny Hen used to say, "If you didn't do the right thing, the least you can do is be embarassed about it." That seems to cover this situation quite nicely.
You are embarassed. God gave you one of those little wake-up calls we all need from time to time. The difference is that you, unlike many others, have acknowledged your mistake, repented of it, and hope to be a better person in future. You got the message.
Feeling embarassed is one thing. Feeling guilty is quite another. Forgive yourself for being human, and give yourself some credit for "getting it."
Gracefully yours,
Mother Hen
We all make mistakes. We are all *itchy at times. Don't be too hard on yourself. I understand WHY you feel completely horrible, I would too, but that's what makes it okay, Kim. You feel horrible about it! If you didn't, THEN, you'd deserve a slap. Tis the season for forgiveness, forgive yourself! (((hugs)))
ReplyDelete-KAren