Monday, December 20, 2010

Grace

It seems I forgot what struggle is all about. I was struggling only six short months ago, and yet. . . I forgot. I want to forget, so I did. I passed judgement on anothe mom because I didn't feel she was holding up her end of the 'dance mom' bargain. I guess, in my muddled little brain, I held up the 'dance mom' bargain through it all, therefore everyone else could as well.

Slap me now. Go ahead, because honestly? I so deserve it.

I'm not going into details, but I was so.very.annoyed with one mom because she was never present at the rehersals, wasn't in the dressing room for any of the performances. So I shared my annoyance. And my friend very kindly (so very kindly, which I did not deserve) said, "Well, she's recovering from ** cancer. You probably didn't recognize her because her hair is growing in different."

Please. Shoot me. I deserve it. Do I not?

I didn't know. This mom and I weren't friends before, but I certainly passed instant judgement on her without stopping to think for just one moment that she might be in a difficult situation.

Wasn't I in a difficult situation not so long ago? And not a life threatening one. I needed pass after pass from people. Ride after ride for my kids. Favor after favor. And I didn't have the grace to give this woman a weekend? Two performances?

It's all I've been thinking about since finding out yesterday afternoon. I laughed with the other mom's throughout the day, but inside I was so horrified. So sad. How could I have forgotten? How could I have done this? Where was my support? Where was that notion that we women, we moms have to stand together and support eachother? I was negative, ugly, judgemental. I am ashamed.

To all the people who helped me, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

To the mom that I judged, I am sorry. I truly hope you never know. If you do . . . well. I deserve to be embarassed by that.

To the moms and women out there that need support and encouragement, I am not going to forget again.  I will support you and help you any way I can.