Thursday, December 9, 2010

You Named Your Child WHAT?

Fair warning: I might offend you in this post. Please, keep reading, really, just be warned that this is *probably* not a politically correct view or post.

OK, really, Moms? Really? You spend nine months carrying this precious little life, labor, deliver this beautiful being into the world . . . and bless her by naming her . . . Tequila. Klassy.

Why, why, why are parents bestowing these horrible names upon their children? I totally understand wanting your child to have a unique name. I named my first daughter Violet. (and she was born before Violet Affleck and Violet from The Incredibles. We did get some side eyes.) I worried that the name 'Violet' was too unique even though it is an older name that used to be popular. But . . . Temptress? Uhmm, when was that popular? Oh, wait, it's going to catch on!

While I was teaching I had some students with "interesting" names, which I wrote down. I recently put out a message on Facebook for unique names from my friends. I'm including the best of the best (er, worst?) here, for your reading pleasure. With phonetic pronunciation when it was included.  Because even though not one of these names is a foreign name, you need help pronouncing them.

 When I asked for interesting names, my mom responded with this:

When your dad was working in booking (he was a sheriff's deputy) he booked a guy by the name of Johnny. Well, that's what he said his name was. But it was spelled JAHANNY.

Say that out loud. If you are completely and totally  uneducated and clueless, it works. But more to the point, when Mom said, "His name is Johnny." and then wrote "Jahanny" on the birth certificate, where the blankity blank blank were the nurses to correct her? Unless, of course, this was the unique and different spelling she was going for. Oh.

I taught a little boy by the name of Zach. No big deal, not different at all. But his mother spelled his full name: Zacharaich. Now. How am I supposed to teach him that the first 'ch' in his name makes a hard 'k' sound, but the second 'ch' in his name is silent?

Diana, from Hormonal Imbalances used to teach as well, and she sent me this gem: Izan. It's Nazi, spelled backwards. His parents thought it was really funny. *gag*

More fun with names:

Dayci    Daisy 
Algeria
Artemis
Quiera    Kee -air - ah
Alim
Burnae
Iree'nichole
Je'dyn
Myi'jay   mijay
Phideh  fiday
Quadair  kadair
Twy'Niah
Yonairr
Yassir
Sumaiya  Sue-My-ya
Zamyla
Micqiya
Ira (for a girl)
Deztini
Ticola
Darus  Dar -I -us  (no 'I' in the name, I know. But you da*m well better pronounce that 'I', let me tell you!)
Mar'Quesia  Mar -Kay - sha

Is a thought ever given as to how carrying this name will effect the child? Do we think that 'Temptress' is going to have great self esteem from all the teasing she is going to receive as soon as kids figure out what her name is? Do we think this self esteem of hers will help her to become a doctor? Or will it cause her to fulfill the stereotype of her name and dance around a pole?

Why does it seem as though these moms are think longer about their shade of lipstick than about their child's name? Was pole dancer really the goal that mom had for her tiny, perfect newborn? Because I just plain don't understand it.

Maybe people feel the need to stand out in this world that is such dependant on everything and everybody being the same and fitting in. I don't know. I do know that I cringe when I hear these unique names because my heart hurts for the child that has to carry them. Is that fair?

And my personal favorite?

My father also booked a woman by the name of Placenta. No, you did not read that wrong. Placenta. As in the organ a woman grows to sustain her baby. Really, I can't say anything else.

So, what's the most unique name you've come across?

*thanks to Diana, Kim, Leslie, Keren and Bethany for providing names.

14 comments:

  1. My best friend is a Labor & Delivery social worker at an inner-city hospital. She hears some real winners:
    Female (pronounced fa-mah-lay)
    Twins named Jose (hose-ay) and Josb (hose-bee)
    Princess
    Menageatrois (men-age-a-twois)

    Just to name a few!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some of those sound like countries. I knew a girl named Cera, her name was pronounced Sarah.
    I also knew a family who had a daughter named Cayenne (as in the pepper. But i still think its pretty). Oh, Sundeep & Moondip. They were twins.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOOOL! You better be talking about the spelling of Quiera 'cause kee-air-ah is exactly how I pronounce Chiara in English!
    Yassir is a pretty common name in muslim communities.
    Ira? Seriously?
    And who the hell puts a ' in a name?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Grace @ Arms Wide OpenDecember 9, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    he he he! this is pretty funny! Some co-workers of our just named their daughter Jonesie Danger. As in "danger is her middle name"!

    Not even kidding!

    ReplyDelete
  5. A friend of mine told us her mom considered naming her Precious. That should be a crime. And if that wasn't bad enough, their last name was Perry. Precious Perry. I would sue for emancipation after that, heh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I also have a friend that is naming their son Wyatt Danger.
    Um, maybe not so unique anymore???

    ReplyDelete
  7. I work with a sweet, wonderful woman named Traylar. Yep, as in trailer. Like Park, or Trash. She has 5 siblings. They are LaWanda, SoGunda, Doris, Lay-Orris, and Ned.

    Lucky old Ned.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Diana @Hormonal ImbalancesDecember 9, 2010 at 9:58 PM

    O.M.G. Some of those (as in most, as in all) are HORRIBLE.

    My favorite? Algeria. Nice.

    So my next kid? I'm going to step it up a notch. Koowayt. Or KitAYPoo'. Or Fa-Reek.

    You let me know what you think. I'm game for any of them.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haha! Temptress made it in!

    ..and what you said about her and the self-esteem issue is exactly what the book I read it in was talking about, how people of certain races/ethnicities are more likely to use certain names/spellings, despite how it may affect the child in the future. Poor little temptress.

    ..and something just hit me. Is my name weird because of its spelling?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I knew a girl named Risque.

    And Sha'dynasty even has an urban dictionary entry:
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sha%27Dynasty

    ReplyDelete
  11. HOLY CRAP. Placenta and Temptress. I thought Perfecta was bad.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Stormie. Destinyae.Dreama. I love it when people come up with CRAZY spellings and then get all offended when people spell them wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My name was weird so I named my kids something equally weird... Matthew and Emma. I hated my name growing up, because it was like a made up name so I got all crazy about giving my kids normal names.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Mother Hen once knew a girl named Shalo, as in "shallow." Her mother liked the Neil Diamond song "Shilo," but she misheard the name.
    MH's particular favorites are first and last name combos. Here are names of some real people Mother Hen has met.
    Candy Cane
    Sherry Berry
    James Bond
    Danielle Devine (Future stripper?)
    Chris Smith (Christmas with a lisp)
    Mama Hen said that she once knew a guy named Rick Shaw, as well as a Bob Loblaw (La-blah). that one you need to say out loud to fully appreciate how silly it sounds.
    These ladies married into their names, so their parents aren't to blame. Seriously, though, would you change your name to any of these?
    Mary Christmas
    Mary Lamb (As in Mary had a...)
    Connie Cockshutt (MH begged her to keep her maiden name.)
    People are weird. Mother Hen is so glad she is a chicken.

    ReplyDelete