Thursday, December 9, 2010

You Named Your Child WHAT?

Fair warning: I might offend you in this post. Please, keep reading, really, just be warned that this is *probably* not a politically correct view or post.

OK, really, Moms? Really? You spend nine months carrying this precious little life, labor, deliver this beautiful being into the world . . . and bless her by naming her . . . Tequila. Klassy.

Why, why, why are parents bestowing these horrible names upon their children? I totally understand wanting your child to have a unique name. I named my first daughter Violet. (and she was born before Violet Affleck and Violet from The Incredibles. We did get some side eyes.) I worried that the name 'Violet' was too unique even though it is an older name that used to be popular. But . . . Temptress? Uhmm, when was that popular? Oh, wait, it's going to catch on!

While I was teaching I had some students with "interesting" names, which I wrote down. I recently put out a message on Facebook for unique names from my friends. I'm including the best of the best (er, worst?) here, for your reading pleasure. With phonetic pronunciation when it was included.  Because even though not one of these names is a foreign name, you need help pronouncing them.

 When I asked for interesting names, my mom responded with this:

When your dad was working in booking (he was a sheriff's deputy) he booked a guy by the name of Johnny. Well, that's what he said his name was. But it was spelled JAHANNY.

Say that out loud. If you are completely and totally  uneducated and clueless, it works. But more to the point, when Mom said, "His name is Johnny." and then wrote "Jahanny" on the birth certificate, where the blankity blank blank were the nurses to correct her? Unless, of course, this was the unique and different spelling she was going for. Oh.

I taught a little boy by the name of Zach. No big deal, not different at all. But his mother spelled his full name: Zacharaich. Now. How am I supposed to teach him that the first 'ch' in his name makes a hard 'k' sound, but the second 'ch' in his name is silent?

Diana, from Hormonal Imbalances used to teach as well, and she sent me this gem: Izan. It's Nazi, spelled backwards. His parents thought it was really funny. *gag*

More fun with names:

Dayci    Daisy 
Quiera    Kee -air - ah
Myi'jay   mijay
Phideh  fiday
Quadair  kadair
Sumaiya  Sue-My-ya
Ira (for a girl)
Darus  Dar -I -us  (no 'I' in the name, I know. But you da*m well better pronounce that 'I', let me tell you!)
Mar'Quesia  Mar -Kay - sha

Is a thought ever given as to how carrying this name will effect the child? Do we think that 'Temptress' is going to have great self esteem from all the teasing she is going to receive as soon as kids figure out what her name is? Do we think this self esteem of hers will help her to become a doctor? Or will it cause her to fulfill the stereotype of her name and dance around a pole?

Why does it seem as though these moms are think longer about their shade of lipstick than about their child's name? Was pole dancer really the goal that mom had for her tiny, perfect newborn? Because I just plain don't understand it.

Maybe people feel the need to stand out in this world that is such dependant on everything and everybody being the same and fitting in. I don't know. I do know that I cringe when I hear these unique names because my heart hurts for the child that has to carry them. Is that fair?

And my personal favorite?

My father also booked a woman by the name of Placenta. No, you did not read that wrong. Placenta. As in the organ a woman grows to sustain her baby. Really, I can't say anything else.

So, what's the most unique name you've come across?

*thanks to Diana, Kim, Leslie, Keren and Bethany for providing names.