Wednesday, March 16, 2011

FYI: I am NOT A Moron. KThanks.

Aannnd, I'm ranting. AGAIN.

Dear C*mcast, (yeah, SO not typing your full name. Did that once.)

 I read my cable bill and noticed that it went up by $41. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Do other people not notice an increase of this much? I called you, prepared to be kind, even though I've been calling you every three to four months for the past four years for this exact reason. Every three to four months you  increase my bill. Yet, I never add any additional services/channels. So we dance this ridiculous dance that goes like this:

Me: My bill was --- last month and this month it is ---. Why?

C*mcast: Oh, that was a special promo. It's over now.

Me: Ok, well, then cancel HBO/whatever and drop my bill back down to it's original price. Because I'm always having to call and do this. And it's annoying. I'm really unhappy with the service, and if this continues I'm just switching.

C*mcast: Oh. Well, I can just keep you at the special promo price.

Me: Fine. But drop all premium channels. It's not worth it.

And now, even though I've dropped all premium channels, I see Starz on my bill. However, you think you've got me by the short and curlies because I've actually been watching Starz for the past three months. Oh yes. Because I thought it was one of those free promo deals where you throw on a free channel, show us how awesome it is to watch all these movies, then hope we'll buy the channel. So I laughed as I watched, because I'm not biting. Also? I checked my bill last month and I was not billed for Starz. When I tell you that I suddenly get Starz, when I have never ordered it, or had it before, this is what you say:

Well, are you sure you didn't get it before? I mean, if you suddenly discovered that you had it, maybe you had it all along, only you weren't clicking on that channel because you just assumed you didn't get it. But you did. So now you check your bill and discover it there. But it's really been there all along.

OMG. Really? Did you just say this to me? Really? So, very, very kindly, I said to you, "No, no, that is not possible. Let me be very clear. I understand that you, personally, did not go in and mess with my account, Joe Schmo. I get that. But somebody did. And because this keeps happening, I check my channels all.the.time. Three months ago? No Starz. Also? I wasn't charged for Starz. Last month I had the channel and wasn't charged for it either. Now it's on my bill. No. No I did not suddenly notice it. It has not always been there. Really? Did you just say that I never noticed I had this channel?"

And suddenly, the heavens open, miracles occur and WHAM, my bill is back down. Only, this time, this time, Joe Schmo, you didn't make me happy. I'm still $10 up from where I was, and you tried to make me think I was batsh*t crazy. I.am.not. But you? Oh, you are.

So, I thanked you kindly, hung up and called Fios.

And this? This is for you.