Friday, March 18, 2011

In Which I Suck Wind

I've started training for a 5K. And by 'training' I mean I've gone jogging once. But, baby steps, right? However, I did download the entire program of Couch to 5K onto my ipod, found a jogging stroller and geared up yesterday morning.

I packed a blanket for John, a water bottle for me, my ipod, the stroller and sunglasses for both of us. I dropped Sarah at school and John and I headed to the park where I would embark on my awesome training. (Think: stylish thermal running tights, fitted

[caption id="attachment_524" align="alignright" width="150" caption="This is *totally* what I looked like. *totally*"][/caption]

 thermal shirt, cute bouncy pony tail, eco friendly Nagalene bottle, sleek nano ipod, lipstick, hot shades, adorable cute child in camouflage clothing) If you've never listened to a session of the couch to 5K program, it truly is genius. The one I picked is by a woman with a lovely British accent, who tells you how wonderful you are, what a great thing you are doing by choosing to get healthy, then tells you when to 'lightly jog' and 'walk at a brisk pace.' Since I somehow managed to delete week one of the program, I had to do week two. Which meant that yesterday I was jogging for 90 seconds and 'walking at a brisk pace' for 90 seconds.

Shut yer yaps if you are scoffing at this.

I was also pushing a 15 pound stroller which was carrying a 37 pound child in it. I know exactly because I weighed them.

And I was chatting, the entire freaking time. With John. Non stop. Non freaking stop. *sobs*

His little voice is just so incredibly cute. It's all raspy and deep. I think it's like this from all the severe reflux he had as an infant and toddler, but omg is it beyond adorable. And when we are alone? And he knows he's got my undivided attention? He turns on the charm. Suddenly he's all Tony Bennet and Clark Gable and "Oh, sweet, loving, perfect Mummy. How I love your amazing meals. You are the most beautiful mother, nay, women, in the world. My friends dream of a mom as perfect as you."


I get us all set up, get him tucked in and sun-glassed up, get one ear bud in so I can hear the lovely British lady and still hear John should calamity suddenly strike. I point out interesting things for John to see before we take off so he has something to keep him occupied while I jog/walk.

And then? Calamity strikes.

Wook Mommy!! Wook at that man! He is running so fast, Mommy! You are walking, Mommy! Are you going to run?

In a minute. I'm warming up.

Are you done warming up? That doggie is fat and he is running vewwy vewwy fast, Mommy! Mommy are you running?

Yup! Mommy is running jogging.

Are we going fast? I don't feel fast, Mommy. Not fast, Mommy! This is slow,Mommy! Wook! That fat doggie go by us again, Mommy! He is running! We are slow!

I'm walking now, John. We'll run again in a minute.

Go through that puddle, Mommy! It's a huge puddle! Make a hooooge splash, Mommy! Moooomy!! That was a little splash! *the stroller is thrown back and forth as John tries to get a better view of the puddle*

My blanket come off, Mommy! My camouflage blanket! *I stop and fix the blanket*

Are we running? I feel slow, Mommy. You must run. Run, Mommy, run! *I am not kidding. I thought I was Forrest Gump*

I am running, John.

That man is running, Mommy. He is fast. And wook! That lady wooks like Grandma.And she is running vewwy fast. *She passes us and says good morning*

*pant pant* Morn *pant* ing *pant*

*hot guy with fat dog laps us again*

It's the fat doggie, Mommy! What is in that mans ears, Mommy?

He's listening to music, John. So he can't hear me panting and laugh at us.

Are we running yet? Are we going fast yet? I feel sloooow, Mommy.

I feel slow, too, John.


*In case you lost count, the cute guy w/ the fat dog lapped us about 8 times, the lady who looks like grandma lapped us at least 3 times, and said good morning each time -- requiring me to answer --and there were also the random runners who felt the need to sprint passed us at varying Olympic speeds while smiling kindly.*

But I did it. I finished week two, day one. I sucked wind and panted like a dog in the desert. I did it.

Also? I can't sit today.