Tuesday, March 29, 2011

More Parenting Fails Or You're Welcome

I've mentioned my stellar parenting abilities before. Really, when it comes to raising my children in an environment of constant kindness, attention, and excellent parenting practices, you cannot find a better parent. Lest you think I am slacking on my amazing duties as an all organic -only from scratch- chef, we don't say the word 'no' disciplinarian, our children never fight sibling rivalry outlook, my laundry is always clean and I wash it by hand then line dry it - day, here are some of our latest highlights.

*We're waiting to get the bedrooms stripped, so the kids are sleeping in one room. The fighting at night is epic. The solution? (I cannot believe I am telling you this) One goes to my bed. One on the floor in their bedroom. One on the floor in the hallway. Oh, the screaming. It's Friday the 13th over here. But if we don't? Nobody sleeps until midnight. (and we put them all in actual beds when we go to bed.) Did I mention we have hardwoods?

*John and Sarah misbehaved so badly at dance that I took the owner, assistant and secretary (who are all so much more than that) special treats. To bribe them back into loving us. Because my children were so insanely insane.

*Did you forget John's head? He cut it open when I wasn't looking. And then I lied. To the doctor.

*Sarah loves to watch flash mobs on YouTube. Yesterday we were watching one of the Glee ones and Violet was having a fit because she'd already seen it. So I made her watch it again. Because, really? This is what you're going to yell at your sister about? Be.entertained.by.good.dancing.and.singing.

*Speaking of YouTube . . . when we were cleaning out the bedrooms Violet asked if they could watch our YouTube channel on 'her' laptop. It's in her room and we were all upstairs. So I said yes. Then I heard these words, interspersed with the sound of clicking keys: Michael. . .Jackson  . . . Beat . . . It  ~ Seriously, you haven't lived until you have heaved yourself across a hallway full of toys and boxes, while yelling, "Noooooooo"  because God only knows what that search on YouTube is going to pull up.

*Smart mom that I am, I reminded her that she can only watch the videos I have favorited on our YouTube channel, not the videos we have also watched (as she pointed out -she'd already seen the 'Beat It' video, why couldn't she look for it?). Then I heard these words: Cee Lo? What's that? Is that a panda next to Josh Groban? ~~ Cue more running. In the end only flash mobs, Taylor Swift and Michael Jackson videos that I've put there are allowed. And videos that Violet, Sarah and John are in. Also? I aged about 30 years.

*Yesterday, after watching the Glee flashmob, all the dancers did the 'L' sign with their hands. Then the camera showed the Glee title with the 'Loser' thingy. They asked what it was. Again, smart parent, I told them. Then had one of those parenting moments where you are laughing, know it's inappropriate, but cannot help yourself. I heard myself saying, "You know when you and Sarah fight over who gets the 'yum yum' bowl? Well, I'm thinking 'loser!" right then" And I did the 'loser' sign on my forehead. So we giggled and I gave silly examples. Then I realized, OHHH, this could be bad. Violet, with the 'loser' sign to a friend at school. Sarah, with the 'loser' sign to Violet. So I had to back it up and explain that I was only one allowed to call anyone a loser.

"Mommy is the only person in the house allowed to call anyone else a loser."

I rock. I really, really do. :)