Tuesday, March 22, 2011

So, I lie.

Yes, I lie. To doctors, as it turns out. Judge me. He did, and that's why I lied.

On Saturday John fell and hit his head. I didn't see it happen. What? You have your eyes on your children every.single.moment of the day? He's four. He never stops moving. Ever.

The kids had been locked up inside all day, even though it was gorgeous outside. We have a painter coming on Wednesday and have to get all the trim off the walls in the bedrooms and the rooms cleared out - the kids rooms have at least three layers of wallpaper on them. I'm not stripping that. So we hired an guy angel and we have to prep the rooms. But our new carpet also came in on Saturday, and do you think I'm going to let that sit at the store until Sunday? Not so much. So while my husband yanked trim off the wall upstairs, I rearranged furniture downstairs. All this meant that the kids couldn't play outside. Because I wouldn't be able to supervise them, the way a good, loving and super vigilant mom would.

At four o'clock I could take no more. They broke me. I admit it. I shoved sent them outside on the deck, which I can totally see from the family room.

[caption id="attachment_539" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="In A People House. Wait. Is that a scream?"][/caption]

Only I went to get a drink of water the camera to take pictures of my awesome carpet that makes me look like I live in a people house.

And then I heard it. The scream. My first reaction? "Hmm. Faker." Really. Then I heard the intake of breath, that pause that all parents know and dread. That pause that screams to you, "Oh dear lord in heaven there is going to be blood. How much blood will there be?" John came running with Violet right behind him. In case you don't know, Violet does not do well in these situations. Sarah is the one you want by your side. She was still outside playing in the birdseed. I picked John up, sat him on the counter and got a colored wash cloth (because I'm smart like that. Never use a white one. They see the blood then. And freak the freak out.) Blood was dripping down the side of his face. And I thought, "Really?" Because I'm a good and loving mom.

I blotted away the blood and saw the divot in his eyebrow and realized that a band aid was not going to cut it (ha ha). I called out to my husband, and as soon as those calm words left my lips, Violet's eyes went wide and in a shaky voice she declared, "Ohhh. Looks like we're going to get stitches." I may or may not have have shoved her behind my back. With my leg.

John was sobbing, loudly. When he heard Violet he literally sucked off a sob, tried to slide off the counter and said, "I go play now!" While blood dripped from his eyebrow.

[caption id="attachment_535" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="The Maude Face. See: Rants From Mommy Land"][/caption]

We went to the ER. When the doctor asked me how John had hurt himself I started to say I hadn't seen him fall. He obviously doesn't have children. His eyes got all judgey and narrowed. His lips narrowed. But I'm fast, so I changed my tactics mid sentence!

"What happened to John?"

"Well, I didn't see ***cue judgey eyes, Maude face**

"seeeeee the actual rung on the deck he hit his head. Not the actual one, you know. But I totally saw him fall. Not his feet, as he fell. But his body. In slow motion. Because I was totally watching him. My eyes never leave him. Not for second. Even though I have two other children and a house and a husband and have to drive and shop and do laundry and cook and John needs to play alone and have privacy for Maudes sake! But I totally saw it alllll. He hit the rung. And took this divot out of his eyebrow. So, here we are." And then I gave him my Maude face. Which is so.much.better.

While we waited for the decision on stitches or glue, John  passed the time looking in my compact, which he lost, then insisting I take pictures so he could see the cut -- and so could Uncle Bryan, my brother. In this family all cuts are judged by how cool Uncle Bryan will think they are. So as the doctor was applying the glue, John could be heard saying, "Take a picture. I want Uncle Bryan to see it!"

[caption id="attachment_541" align="aligncenter" width="150" caption="What do you think, Uncle Bryan?"][/caption]