There are issues. Issues you would not think of. But most certainly, issues. I'm going to let you in on some of them right now. These are only my experiences, but since I’m the one recovering from depression I can totally poke fun at the absurdities of that process. And getting sane? Totally insane.
The majority of my days, since being properly medicated, are normal (read: insane) just like yours. But since I was mentally checked out of life for 2 + years, I sometimes forget that this kind of insanity is the good kind. Follow?
Issue #1 Celebrities.
Listen, no, just listen. Shut. UP. Unless you are really going to be honest, unless you were actually depressed, then you need to shut your pie hole. Kendra? Painting one’s toe nails does not cure PPD/Depression. You weren't aware of that? Really?? You mean Dr. Drew didn't fill you in on that? Wow. Shocker. Let me enlighten you: fitting into your Playboy Bunny costume and getting a mani/pedi does not magically alleviate PPD/depression. But thanks so much for putting that out there.
I clicked on over to a link about Gwyneth one day, hopeful to hear that she was speaking about her fight with depression. The interview left me wondering if she had PPD or needed a really deep conversational topic to discuss. But I did know what kind of jeans she was wearing and what she was eating, and it did mention her 'blog' Goop. I went over there, seriously hoping to find more about her struggle. What I found was the exact same dialogue. Exact. Word for word. The same sanitized version of the story. However, beneath this Purell washed story there was a contribution by Bree Howard Dallas. It was earth shattering. This is what should be shared. Click here for her story. It's truly amazing.
I'd also like to send out a big thank you to Tom Cruise and all his spewing about natural living and no meds. You see, I tried his ‘cure’ of exercise and good diet, and huh, it didn't work. Tom’s ‘all natural’ approach is great for some, yes. But I will seriously knock out the next person who says to me, “Didn’t you work out? Because I’ve heard so many people talk about how working out and eating whole foods totally cured them!”
Catherine Zeta Jones is seeking treatment for manic depression right now and I seriously could not be more pleased to know that she is 1) seeking help and 2) putting a strong face on the poster for manic depression. However, I haven’t heard what she has to say about it yet, so I reserve the right to yank this statement back so fast you’ll get rug burn.
Issue # 2 The Crazy In My Head
Every mom has days that completely fall apart. I have three kids and if I get them out the door in the morning dressed and not stinking of some foul body odor, well, I rock. But the crazy in my head says: OMG I had a fight with my husband this morning and I went to the grocery store and forgot to get milk and I still haven’t showered and gah! I didn't get the chicken out for dinner! And now it’s the witching hour and the kids are rabid raccoons on crack and my husband is coming home and he’s like Fun Bobby (from Friends) when he comes home and I.can’t.do.this. Does this mean I’m going back to the nervous hospital??
Yeah. But then I take a deeeep breath and perhaps have a glass of wine, and remember that all the crazy I’m looking at is normal. It’s sane insanity. And hopefully I've done this little freak out only in my head, or on the phone to a great friend, and we
can totally laugh about it. Because seriously, how can I not laugh?
Issue #3 Kind People
I've put my story out there. I really have. I mean, I blog about it, under my name, put it on my Facebook page, etc. I am open and honest about what I went through and what my family went through. The kindness that has been extended to me, to my family over the past years is astounding. And the support I receive now is encouraging and so heart felt.
What isn't?: “Oh, depression? My cousin had that. She killed herself.”
Seriously? Did you just . . . ?
Or, how about: “You went in to the hospital twice. Huh. I’m not that bad. I mean, I’m just sad, not like . . . Crazy.”
Yeah, keep talking and I’ll show you crazy.
And my favorite: “You’re husband didn't divorce you? ”
No, no he did not. We took these things, called marriage vows, where we promised to love each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health. This was my sickness. This was my for worse. He didn't go off and have an affair. He didn't leave me. He stuck by me because he is an amazing man and we.took.vows before God. Hello? But did you actually just say this to me?
I can't make this crap up. All of this, every single thing I just wrote has been said to me. I can totally laugh about it, because seriously, that's some pretty messed up and funny stuff. But if you know somebody who is recovering from depression? Don't say it. Give them a hug. Say, "I'm sorry you had to go through this. You're strong and it will get better."
oh. my. word. I cannot, cannot wrap my mind around the things people say. It made me choke on my piece of chocolate.
ReplyDeleteThe crazy in your head stuff? I do that too. Some days are better than others, but some days when I get started, it's hard to stop. But keep taking those deep breaths, enjoy the glass of wine and just stop. You can do this. You know that.
Thanks for reminding to take the chicken out of the freezer.
ReplyDeleteOh, and also for being you and so honest and sassy. Love it. Those celebs can bite me, especially Tom Cruise.
I would say nice things to you like, "Hey, I'll watch your kids for you while you get a pedicure"
or
"You are amazing and strong and you will get through this"
stuff like that
xoxoxo
PS, I changed my twitter handle in case you were missing me
ReplyDeleteSome people seriously have no filter. Or perhaps it's that they just don't care? I don't know. Either way, it sucks.
ReplyDeleteBluntly? Some people just plain SUCK!
ReplyDeleteHow about "I can't imagine what would make someone kill themself, can you?"
ReplyDeleteAs a suicide survivor, I try to take this as an opportunity to fill them in, but really!!!
Jodi
I had never heard of that Kendra chick until she showed up on Dancing With the Stars and I.was.NOT.impressed. And Tom Cruise? is a freak on a leash! Just sayin'.
ReplyDeletePeople do say some clueless crap sometimes when they just don't know what to say. I had some stuff said to me when I was widowed that left me saying the same thing..."did you seriously just say that to me?!"
Thank God for those who always seem to say and do the right things...the Godsends.
Oh so much to say and so little time to do it. To chime in real quickly . . .
ReplyDeleteI know all too well the things that people say when the word depression or manic is brought up. People either change the subject, walk away or say something that makes you want to shoot yourself (if you didn't want to already). It is still such a taboo subject. One would think that since it is all over the news and tv shows we would used to it and more supportive. But the older I get the more I realize how few truly nice people there are in this world. It sucks but at least we begin to know where the real people are we can trust, ya know?
Also, I laughed aloud when you wrote your husband is like Fun Bobby. I was obsessed with Friends. Still am.
This is absolutely brilliant advice Kim. People who are depressed need our sympathy. Depression is not a choice and it takes hard work and a lot of time, meds, to get one's life back on the right path. So for crying out loud give a hug and an empathetic ear! That is my rant for the day. That one is for my Michael.
ReplyDeletesending love & hugs :) LOVE the marriage vow response!!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the horrible things people say when they have no idea what really went on. I understand not fully getting depression - but those comments weren't "I was trying to be kind". They were like the comments that you want to stab them afterwards. Kudos to you for not.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty on these posts. It helps me to know what to say, how to act, and to put myself in someone else's shoes.
I laughed out loud at the things that people have said to you...not because it's funny, but because people's stupidity never fails to amaze me.
ReplyDeleteI think I've told you that my mother battled depression her whole life. It always amazed me how little people really understand about it. Even my father and my grandparents...they had no clue and did very little to educate themselves. It's almost like they thought it would go away as long as they didn't talk about.
I'm grateful to you and others who have laid it all out there so that the rest of us can benefit from what you've learned. My sister in law has been battling depression and is now trying to come off her meds so she can get pregnant. It's a struggle and I worry for her now and for after her pregnancy. But thanks to what I've learned from you, I feel like I'm a little better prepared to help her.
I think you are brave and strong for what you do here every day and I'm so grateful to you for doing it.
People are completely without censors sometimes. It's quite sad. And embarrassing.
ReplyDelete