Monday, June 6, 2011

New Directions

I've spent the last week doing a lot of thinking about this little blog of mine. I started it with a specific purpose in mind: to tell others that they are not alone in the battle against depression and to prove that by sharing my story. Graphically. I've read so many stories about depression that leave me going, "Nope. I'm alone." Because they are santitzed and prettied up. That's not what I want to do. I share the grit and the grime. I show the postivie outcome, but I'm not going to tell you that I ever, ever pulled off the facade of making it. Because I didn't.

And I came to the realization this past week that I can no longer do this. I can't be totally honest. I can't edit myself. But because of the way my blog posts I've started having to do this. It's my own fault. When I first started blogging I posted my blog to my personal Facebook page. And since I knew all of you there, I was fine with you reading it. I was scared, yes. Not all of you knew what had happened. Most of you didn't know. And I was afraid that some of you would run, screaming into the night. But the most amazing thing happened: not one single person did. Not one. I recieved more postive comments, likes and private e-mails than I'd ever thought possible. And it's continued. Every time I post something and somebody I'm not aware is reading likes the post or comments, I'm blown away.  And this is not the problem.

The problem is, Facebook has become a way of connecting with new friends. Friends I'd like to coordinate playdates with, coffee with. Friends I'm not sure when or if I'll ever share the depths of my struggle with. And by posting my blog to Facebook I shove it all out there. So it's like, "Hey, we should totally get Violet and Suzie together for a playdate this summer! Find me on Facebook!" Then the mom finds me, and wham! She's on my blog. Reading about cavity searches and suicidal thoughts. That's really something I'd like to ease her into, you know?

So. I know that a lot of you come through my personal Facebook page. But I'm not going to be posting my blog to that page anymore. I'm asking that you come in a different way. There are three ways you can come in, two of which do not require you to set up any kind of account. I promise it's easy!

1. Click on the 'follow' button. You'll need a google/gmail account for this.

2. Enter your email into the 'feedburner' box. I don't see your email, feedburner doesn't see it. You don't get e-mails from anybody else but my blog. When I post, you get the post in your in box. You can read it there, or click into my blog.

3. 'Like' my fan page on Facebook and when I publish my blog you will get a notification on your Facebook page.

That's all. I truly, truly value your reading. When you leave comments or like my posts it makes me smile and warms my heart. Like you wouldn't believe. I count them and hold them with me.