Monday, June 13, 2011

So Wrong It's . . . No. I'ts Still Wrong.

Swamp People.

Have you seen this show? It is all kinds of wrong. All kinds. Let me explain. (Jess? I know you enjoy this little gem. It's OK, you're sleep deprived, with that new baby and all.)

Remember the movie, 'The Water Boy'? Did you think Adam Sandler was making up that accent, that Louisiana Bayou accent? That he was exaggerating it for the movie? Well, he wasn't.  Not one bit. Sadly.

'Swamp People' is set in the Bayou's of Lousiana, where a group of men hunt alligators. Or rather, they hunt 'gatahs.

They've named the 'gatahs. Things like, "Big Mamma," and "T-Rex." And most of the hunters don't have all their teeth, appear to rarely shower, and say things like, "You shot me again" or "he's shot me before. We'll just go home and have mom take care of it." As well as, "He's a biggun."

They do really smart things like dive into murky water in which they've baited large hooks with 'shake and bake' and rancid chicken to grab the 'gatah tags they've dropped. Oh, and they pull the lines up with their bare hands. The lines that have the live 'gatahs on them. Then jump back and yell, 'dayum!' every.single.time the 'gatah jumps at the surface.

Then one guy, Troy, yells to his helper, "Shoooot, Liz! Shoot the 'gatah, Liz!"

Oh, and they also use sub-titles. For English to English translation.

My husband adores this show. No, really. Adores.Like, DVR's it. Has found it 'On Demand' (and yet still DVR's it. Hmm. Smart.) The first time I saw the show I assumed it was some sort of farce and freaked out a bit. Because I thought it was poking fun of people with special needs. Because of the way they talk. Between the thick, thick accent, lack of teeth and poor (really) grammar I was all kinds of mad. Then when I realized it was an actual show? I was all kinds of horrified.

Click it. You must.

http://youtu.be/Q85RqhLtX_w

So. One night Sarah couldn't (wait for it) sleep. My husband brought her downstairs and let her lay with him on the sofa while he watched "Swamp People." He thought she had fallen asleep. Then her head popped up and she said, "Daddy, I want to go 'gatah huntin'!"

And thus began Sarah's obsession with 'gatah huntin'.

One day I came into my bedroom to find Sarah standing on my bed with a jump rope hanging over the edge and John holding onto it. Sarah was commanding John, "Now roll, John! Death roll! You're the 'gatah and I'm the huntah. Then I'll be 'gatah. Shoooot, Liz!! Shooot the 'gatah, Liz!"

My husband was so proud.

A week or so ago I walked upstairs to hear Sarah and John playing. They were having their Little People be blind, then Jesus would come and tell them to wash their eyes three times and he would see again.

I was so proud.

An hour later I heard this:

"Oooh, that's T-Rex! Shoooot, Liz!! Shoot the 'gatah, Liz!"

Awe.some.

**These men hunt 'gatah's for a living; getting up at dawn and hunting 'till dusk. They hunt in pairs or solo, just a small boat, a thin rope and a dirty gun. They kill the 'gatah, haul it in, take it to the merchant who pays them. The merchant sells the meat and the hide. I don't know one single man who would last half a day doing what these men do. I'm not saying what they do holds no honor or value. I'm saying this show is mind numbing. Let's be clear.**