Friday, July 15, 2011

The Pelican Brief

Do you all know what the Pelican Brief is? A conspiracy theory. And I have one of my own. Stick with me. I think you'll enjoy it.

I'm pretty conservative, yes. But do I defend Obama's intentions? Yes. Did I get annoyed with Bush? Yes.

My husband  watches Fox News every.single.night while I have tiny strokes next to him. And not just because of the content. I do find that O'Rielly can argue both sides.


What starts to make me twitchy is the whored out political analyst women. So instead of listening to what might be intelligent content, we are distracted by the tarted up, trashed out women who are talking.

It's a conspiracy, I tell you!

Have you seen them? Let's start here:

[caption id="attachment_1058" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Nancy Grace. uhm, cheek bones much?"][/caption]

Nancy Grace. Honestly. I'm just scared. I don't know what you are saying because I'm just worried you're going to yell at me or cut me with your razor edged cheek bones. Which you could do. You totally could. I'm sure you're an intelligent woman, you wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't -- but I have no idea what you are talking about.



[caption id="attachment_1069" align="alignright" width="287" caption="Gretchen Carlson. Haiii, pink lips."][/caption]

Gretchen Carlson.  Uhm. Between the lips and the heavily, frighteningly arched eyebrows? I really have no idea what it is you are saying. I do know you are protecting the rights of children, many times. So I love you. But your make up artist? HATES YOU. And all consertavies. Just sayin'. 


This woman, below, Kimberly Guilfoyle, is gorgeous. She has pages devoted to it. She used to model for Victoria's Secret. I'm also pretty sure she is also highly intelligent -- she's a former prosecutor. (since both my husband and brother are attorneys, I tend to believe they are really intelligent) But once again, I have no idea what she is saying. Was her make up applied with a putty knife? Because that is all I'd like to know at this point. Added to my distraction is the fact that she is always sitting next to Gretchen. So now I'm wondering, do they have the same make up artist? Is it one make up artist, one rogue -brush wielding-wand waving-gloss addicted make up artist who is slathering on the make up in attempt to take down Fox News Channel and the conservative people?

[caption id="attachment_1070" align="alignleft" width="193" caption="Kimberly Guilfoyle. She's not on Fox right here. But her make up? This is how it's done."][/caption]





And then? I see this::
Caroline Heldman. Hey baby, what you want? (you know you thought it. So don't be so shocked.)
She isn't ever in the studio. She has some other make up artist. Which means . . . there are two of them . . .