Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This Is Me

I have exciting things to tell you today! First, I'm (somehow) guest posting over at Daddy Run's A Lot ! If you haven't ever visited John, you MUST. Not only will he inspire to run (a lot), he is funny, honest and amazing. He has a great story to share, a wonderful wife, and two small children that are words can't describe adorable. So, go check out John, because he is awesome and because somehow, someway he asked me to guest post and I'M over there today!

Second, in 10 short days I will be with those wonderful women I get together with each year and we will be seeing that guy in concert. Josh Groban. *sigh* And we have really good seats. Have I mentioned this before? Like, I can wave and he can wave back. *Which he will. He totally will.* 

Anyway. Over here, today I want to tell you about this.

The other day I was reading a post about depression and anitdepressants by Jodi Edwards Wright over at A Darker Shade of Blue. As always she addressed the questions surrounding that issue so well. It's about people questioning those of us on antidepressants and us becoming 'addicted' to them. I've encountered this question in real life and in the blogoshpere quite a few times, and thought it was a good time to explain a couple things.

To begin, I'm not on antidepressants any longer, I'm on a mood stabilizer. There is a difference, in that a mood stabilizer is an anti depressant combined with an anti anxiety medication. As I understand it, somehow the body metabolizes the medication differently when they are taken combined versus in two pills. I've had just about every anti depressant out there prescribed to me. And for me, they didn't work. And I took them with anti anxiety medication. That didn't work. The mood stabilizer? Well.  That's my pace maker. That's my insulin. My heart meds. My anti rejection meds. My anti seizure meds. It is not my meth. It is not my cocaine.  

It is my life.

Do you see the difference?

My brain does not produce the correct amounts of serotonin (as I understand this disease).  The mood stabilizer provides it with this. I take it each night. I wake each morning and I'm a normal, happy person. I'm a loving mom and wife. I'm a friend. Before it? Not even close. Breathing was all I could concentrate on, and I did that poorly. My body does need this drug, yes. But it needs it to be healthy. To be happy. To thrive. To remember my children's lives.

That is not an addiction.

This is me.
This is my brain.
This is my brain on drugs.
It's a beautiful thing.