Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Awwwww . . . . Freak Out

So I had a small melt down last night. And I DO mean small. But it was unsettling to my husband.

And that's my fault.

My 'freak out' was really a 'I'm so frustrated I just want a farking browning or chocolate or roll dripping in butter. But you came home with ice cream sandwiches. And can I eat an ice cream sandwich? NOOOOO. WHY? Seriously? Because they have a cake crust on them. And you didn't think of that and you didn't think of me and I always think of you and I would have so realized this for you and then I would have bought you your favorite ice cream, which I totally know. Rocky road. So there."

And then he said, "You're scaring me." Which caused me to rant even more, that I could be upset, be irrationally upset even and not have it mean a damn thing, except that I.was.very.very.upset.

It doesn't mean anything. Except that I wanted something chocolate that was available and didn't cost 10 dollars. That I was frustrated right then and completely fed up. And that he is my husband and I'm supposed to be able to do this with him.

But I've trained him differently.

So when I behave this way he sees days of sleeping, piles of laundry, agitation, tears, yelling, more tears and more sleeping in his future. Possibly followed by a trip to the hospital.

I've trained him well.

Un-training him is a whole different story. A trip to my therapist is in our very near future.

Because I can't let him feel this way.