Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Sarah's not sleeping.


I'm at a total and complete lost. I'm desperate. And I thought I was desperate before. Remember this summer, what we went through? It's starting again. Only this time she is systematically breaking my heart with the pitiful cries.

It started about a week into school, once she was settled into the routine of school. It's steadily gotten worse. By the time we went to Colorado she simply laid awake until 11 or 12 every night.Then she'd be a zombie the next day. We started the melatonin again, with some success. But the time between her taking the melatonin and the time she falls asleep is hell on us.

We took her to see a therapist. She drew a picture of the monster that lives under her bed.


And talked about all the things that scare her: Scooby Doo, Halloween. Some random show Violet had watched one time. The monster she drew just killed me.

We elminated Scooby Doo and let her decide what she wanted to do about Halloween. The decorations people put in their yard were really freaking her out, especially at night when she had time to think - and needed something to delay bed time. We upped the amount of melatonin she takes (per our pediatrician).

Last night, and for the past three nights, she has gone to bed crying, saying her belly hurts. We stay upstairs with her as long as we can. But soon it becomes apparent that she is manipulating us. Then she is up and down all night complaining about her belly. Is it real? I honestly don't know.

She decided to go trick-r-treating, and loved it. But the very minute she hit the steps to come upstairs her voice changed and she said her feet hurt. Her whole demeanor became sad and pitiful. She'd had her medicine, she was tired. And fighting sleep like nobody's business.

Tonight I let her come into my bed until she fell asleep. She literally shoved her body against mine, tight as she could fit, and immediately fell asleep. I was able to slip downstairs. But I worry about what will happen if she wakes and I'm gone. We'll still put her in her bed when we go to bed, and leave both our bedroom doors open - she can actually see us from her bed.

But I'm at a loss. She does sometimes have nightmares, I know. But how do we stop this? How do we cope? How do we make her feel safe in her own bedroom?