Sarah's not sleeping.
Again.
I'm at a total and complete lost. I'm desperate. And I thought I was desperate before. Remember this summer, what we went through? It's starting again. Only this time she is systematically breaking my heart with the pitiful cries.
It started about a week into school, once she was settled into the routine of school. It's steadily gotten worse. By the time we went to Colorado she simply laid awake until 11 or 12 every night.Then she'd be a zombie the next day. We started the melatonin again, with some success. But the time between her taking the melatonin and the time she falls asleep is hell on us.
We took her to see a therapist. She drew a picture of the monster that lives under her bed.
Excellent.
And talked about all the things that scare her: Scooby Doo, Halloween. Some random show Violet had watched one time. The monster she drew just killed me.
We elminated Scooby Doo and let her decide what she wanted to do about Halloween. The decorations people put in their yard were really freaking her out, especially at night when she had time to think - and needed something to delay bed time. We upped the amount of melatonin she takes (per our pediatrician).
Last night, and for the past three nights, she has gone to bed crying, saying her belly hurts. We stay upstairs with her as long as we can. But soon it becomes apparent that she is manipulating us. Then she is up and down all night complaining about her belly. Is it real? I honestly don't know.
She decided to go trick-r-treating, and loved it. But the very minute she hit the steps to come upstairs her voice changed and she said her feet hurt. Her whole demeanor became sad and pitiful. She'd had her medicine, she was tired. And fighting sleep like nobody's business.
Tonight I let her come into my bed until she fell asleep. She literally shoved her body against mine, tight as she could fit, and immediately fell asleep. I was able to slip downstairs. But I worry about what will happen if she wakes and I'm gone. We'll still put her in her bed when we go to bed, and leave both our bedroom doors open - she can actually see us from her bed.
But I'm at a loss. She does sometimes have nightmares, I know. But how do we stop this? How do we cope? How do we make her feel safe in her own bedroom?
I always had trouble falling asleep as a kid (and still do) but I was never afraid of going to bed... Im sure you've tried routine, which helps me. What about letting Sarah choose a protective talisman to keep her safe in bed? No end to the wonders of magic in my experience.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a magic answer but I had sleep problems(insomnia/nightmares) when I was a kid and both my boys have histories of night terrors and other sleep issues. I outgrew mine and both my boys (even Dracen) seem to have outgrown all of theirs.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure Violet will too. Hang in there!
Sorry. I just realized I said Violet instead of Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any answers but I just want to say I'm sorry. It's so hard to know something is scaring/bugging/hurting your kid and not know how to fix it. Good luck. I hope she shakes it soon.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, we haven't been there but I thought I lot of kids do this, right? I always hear of parents saying their kids won't sleep because they are terrified of monsters or their belly hurts. I don't know what the solution is. But I know you're not alone in this. And I think you're being very proactive and that's what matters.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
I had a terrible fear of monsters under the bed as a kid. I had to be entirely wrapped in my comforter like a burrito or I would swear that the monsters would eat my feet while I slept. I remember my parents trying everything...nightlights, sitting with me until I fell asleep, music. I also slept with a stuffed animal until I was 10...it made me feel safer. I'm pretty sure when it was really bad my mom would give me some cold medicine meant to make me sleepy. (She's not winning any mother of the year awards, but she was pretty desperate!) The one thing they never gave in on was letting me sleep in their bed.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that any one thing really did the trick, but I think the combination of things certainly helped and eventually I grew out of my fear. Although I do still sleep wrapped up in the comforter.
Good luck!
Hannah asked for a Dream Catcher. Bad mother that I am, I still haven't bought one, lol! But she knows what they are and what they are for. Maybe that would help with the nightmares?
ReplyDeleteI know it must be frustrating, but being consistent with bed time will help. :)
Sorry Kim.....
ReplyDeleteWhat about letting her sleep with a flashlight? Or spraying an anti-monster protective spray around her room at bedtime? We did that with Jordan....it was just body spray or room spray in a plain bottle. It worked for her.
Hopefully you will find something that works so you can get some rest too!
she has a 'lovey' but I'm wondering if we shouldn't add something else - another friend and reader mentioned a dream catcher.
ReplyDeleteKnowing you outgrew yours is helpful. How old were you, though? I feel so badly for her, and the tension/stress it creates in the house can't be good for her either.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Krista. It IS hard.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to be proactive, I'm really trying. We'll see if it helps. Thanks for your support :)
ReplyDeleteThe comforter, lol. How old were you when you outgrew the fears?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that dream catcher might be a great idea.
ReplyDeleteWe've tried both. The bottle of monster spray only served to 'prove' to her that there were indeed monsters in her room. And the flash light just pissed her off for some reason. Not that I'm against trying the flash light again - like tonight.
ReplyDeleteI have no advice here . . . I wish I did, but I don't.
ReplyDeleteAll I can share is my thoughts on this. My rule will be that kids can sleep in my bed, provided they start the night in their own bed. If they wake up - come on over. I have a very hard time believing that I'll have a high schooler who will still want to come over & lie down in his parents' bed.
But, reading this . . . well, I want to give you a hug.
Thanks so much, John. I love that rule, and it's what we have always done. But when Sarah starts this crying . . it's so sad I caved. We put her in John's bed last night and she slept the entire night there - no waking up. But she refuses to start the night there. And I do think that they should have their own rooms, since we have it set up that way. So. I guess tonight we'll play it by ear and see what happens. Thanks for the hug. :)
ReplyDeleteOh no! Sorry.....it worked really well for Jordan. What about having her share a room with Violet or John?? I can't remember but I thought you split the girls up recently. Maybe try telling her if she doesn't wake up or bother Violet they can share a room for a while? And maybe reward Violet for being such a wonderful big sister and letting Sarah share a room again?? (This is assuming you did split them up and they aren't already sharing a room)
ReplyDeleteI am a first time visitor, so I don't know how old she is, but ask her...ask her what you can do to help her feel safe in her bed. You'd be amazed at what kids will come up with! I know a little boy who slept with a wooden spoon. A little girl who wanted one of mom's t-shirts under her pillow. Kids know what they need, they just can't express it without help!
ReplyDeleteI can't remember exactly but I'm thinking around the age of 7 or 8. I'd have to ask my mom to be sure though
ReplyDeleteOh poor baby!!! I wish that I knew what you could do to help her. Does she have a nightlight or a lovie??
ReplyDeleteHaving a child that has rarely if ever slept through the night and has a hard time going to sleep I totally feel for you (though I know you've been dealing with this for many years at this point). I just have no idea what advice to offer, other than a big ole virtual hug to you guys. I'm sure hoping that Sarah comes out of this phase sooner than later and gets the rest she needs!!
ReplyDeleteFirst - comments!! :)
ReplyDeleteSecond - I don't know but I know. I know because I was there and I understand just a glimpse of what you are dealing with. So hugs, coffee, and lots of recorded calls of her screaming at you or John if you need to vent. :)
My little sister had problems similar to this when she started pre-k. My mom put her in school because she was working at the school so she thought might as well but she got teased a lot by her classmates for random reasons and her teacher was hard on her especially for some reason. She would literally wrap herself around my mom's legs and cry until she threw up. Every day. She finally told us when she was older and had the words to express herself that she felt abandoned by her family because she was left "alone" in class. Maybe Sarah's fine while she's out because she's either with you or distracted by daily activities but doesn't want to feel alone in her room once she knows it's time for bed. Has she experienced a death, maybe through a classmate? My sister was always paranoid that the moment my mom left her, she'd somehow die.. Maybe assure her to the point of ridiculousness that she'll never be alone.
ReplyDeleteI asked her tonight, "what do you want? What will make you stop crying and not afraid?" She wanted to sleep w/ her brother. Which would be fine, except he doesn't want her in with him b/c of these very issues. :( But I told her that once he fell asleep we'd put her in with him, if she was quiet and relaxed. (we told him, too) She fell asleep while waiting. So, score one for CJ! I'll ask her again tonight and hopefully what she needs will be the same, or something I can provide. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteShe has both :( Wish us luck . . .
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexia. We're playing it one night at a time right now. Hoping each night doesn't result in screams - hers or ours!
ReplyDeleteI forgot about recording it :) lol!
ReplyDeleteLast night she wanted to be in John's room, only John doesn't want her in there. Ugh. We have been reassuring her, but maybe doing it while she isn't upset about that very thing would be a good idea, too. :)
ReplyDeleteI think the dream catcher is a great idea! Maybe if you explain what they're for (and add that it's not just for dreams, but for monsters too?) Then take her out to buy her own special one? (or supplies to DIY and let her pick special colors and feathers and beads and crap?)
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you!