Thursday, March 15, 2012

Apparently I'm A Size 8 . . . And A 10 .. . Also A 12 and 14

Really.

Yesterday I went shopping for new jeans. This was far worse than swimsuit shopping - no lie. I tried on 25 pair of jeans - I sat down and attempted to count when I got home and that's the number I came up with.

I walked into the store wearing a pair of size 12's that were too big, so common sense says that I should walk out in 10's, correct?

WRONG.

Eventually I walked out with a pair of 14's.

I also bought a pair of slacks in a 12.

A pair of 10's also fit in the thighs/crotch and rear but gave me muffin top. And another 10 fit everywhere but was made for a 6'2 woman. I'm 5'2.

I tried on every desinger in the store - from Levi's to Vera Wang to Lauren Conrad. Thanks to Lauren Conrad I walked out thinking my calves are massive. I couldn't even get my calves in a size 14. Who are we making these clothes for?

I hated them all.

I figured that Vera Wang, at the 'higher end' of the store and $58 would have the better, truer fit.

Uhm, wrong. Evidently her jeans are cut to fit her. Except for a pair of jeans with this really cute cuff that would look adorable on the beach. You know the look, you roll up your jeans and splash in the surf with your kids and friends, your hair blowing all around attractively while you wear a white mans shirt and your husband looks on, shirtless, all buff, oiled up and smelling good? Your kids are blonde and there is a picinic waiting that doesnt' have sand in it. Yeah, those jeans. I looked adorable. Then I had to step off the beach and picture myself picking up the kids at the bus stop or John up at school. And suddenly the jeans weren't so cute so anymore.

Stupid beach jeans.

I also tried Jennifere Lopez's new line, hoping for a curvier fit. Again, not so much. I couldn't get the 12's over my thighs. Over.my.thighs. COME ON PEOPLE.

Anyway. I bought the 14's, even though I was unhappy with them -- not the size, because obviously size does not matter.

In my closet at this very moment I have - and they all fit: shorts in a size 8, jeans in sizes 10 and 12.

Now, I'll admitt I'm returning the 14's - but not because they are a 14, but because I'm still not happy with the fit and I'm just so fed up with the store I bought them from.

So, I'm sick of it all. I'm returning the jeans and going back to The Loft. I'm tearing the tags out of my pants and giving a big ole finger to designers and their definition of sizes, what's attractive and the real, true beauty of women.