Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Till he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you someday
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
when all that you really need to love
Is in front of your eyes, it's in front of your eyes
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Someitmes it's hard to find my ground
'Cause I keep on falling as
I try to get away from this crazy world
And I never want to let you down . ..
This is my song. My anthem. It's the song that pulled me through some of my deepest, darkest moments during my depression. The first time I understood the lyrics I had hope -- hope that I was not alone. That hope echoed through my soul. "I am not alone."
It's a well known fact that I like Josh Groban just a little. Standing at his concert on Monday night, as he sang this song, I fell apart. All the emotions; the fears that depression plants in your head, the hatred it seers in your heart, the doubts that fill your mind, they all came rushing back stronger than I imagined they would. Tears ran down my cheeks. At first I was humiliated. What would people think? Then I decided that first, Ididn't care because I was never going to see any of these people again. And second, this was part of my journey. This was part of the healing process.
I realized, as I listened to him sing "February Song" and relived all of that darkness, remembered it so knife sharp , that this was a way for me to continue healing. I was forced to acknowledge how keenly I felt those emotions the song brought up, how they effected me at the time and continue to effect my life today.
All of this I had to do, had to begin processing during a four minute song at Madison Square Garden, surrounded by thousands of people. I remembered how I would put the song on repeat and just listen to the lyrics, crying and hoping, because I thought that finally, possibly, somebody else understood what I was going through. And it was that hope that I was not alone that helped pull me through. "I am not alone." It was the first time I actually believed it.
So. Standing in Madison Square Garden 3 years after that moment. I'm healthy and healing. And bawling. But I don't care. It's my journey. My process. It was my February Song. And I got through it.
And, as I stood beside you, witnessing this intense moment - I felt nothing but joy for you. Why? Because look at what you have accomplished. How far you've come! So proud of you, girlfriend!!!
ReplyDeleteI love this one too!
ReplyDeleteIt's a good one, isnt' it?
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen. You always have been one of my biggest supporters. And for that I am forever grateful.
ReplyDeleteFebruary Song is a beautiful anthem indeed! I am so glad for you that you are celebrating your progress!
ReplyDeleteJodi
Thanks, Jodi. It feels amazing.
ReplyDelete