Elf On The Shelf: Curse You!

My Grandma and I bought an Elf on the Shelf for the kids yesterday. I'm sure you've seen them - so cute! You sit the little guy on a shelf and he communicates with Santa every night. He tells Santa what you've been up to - have you been naughty or nice? I love this idea and the thought of starting a new tradition just warmed my little heart.

What.was.I.thinking?

I put him on the shelf, read the book to the kids and we named him (Mr. Red). Then Sarah began asking questions. And freaking out.

It's A Seinfeld-ian World

Remember Seinfeld? Oh, how I adored that show. I'll watch re-runs of it now for hours when I find them. Do you remember how Jerry, George and Elaine always had weird, absurd reasons for breaking up with or never seeing girls/guys again? There was the woman with 'man hands,' the 'mouth breather,' the woman who ate her peas with a fork, and on.

The other day I was talking with Diana at Hormonal Imbalances (becuase, yes, we talk every day. It's like a rule.) and remembered a guy I'd had one date with. And the reason I'd never gone out with him again.

He ordered a strawberry daiquiry.

Thus this post was formulated.

Other *really* good, legitimate reasons I refused second dates:

*The guy wore the same cologne as my first boyfriend

*He wore a 'girly' shirt

* He mentioned a second date (I didn't like him assuming? I don't know)

*He didn't mention a second date (but he called, so . . .)

*He was prettier than me

* He had a booger on his face when he picked me up

* He sang along to the radio to songs he didn't know

Gah. Remember that for the majority of these I was in college. I was young, stupid and there were guys everywhere. Later, after I graduated from college and was in the real world my reasons for not dating a guy became truly legitimate. This is the reasoning of a young girl who was probably drinking at some point when she made these decisions. Especially since the one guy I did date steadily in college was five years younger than me (he was a freshman and I was a senior. He'd been at prom that summer. I'd been doing internsips), not very smart, really pretty and crazy immature. So . . . yeah. This list *totally* makes sense.

What is the weirdest reason you've never seen a guy/girl again?

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Rejoice, Again I Say Rejoice

Sitting in church Sunday morning.

The kids are whining. Crawling over me. Over my husband. I'm trying to focus.

The sun is coming through the window and is hot on me.

Sarah is talking to herself, loudly. Violet is gloomy. John is squirming in the pew in front of me.

I take a deep breath. Close my eyes. Open them, ready to glare and snap.

I see John's blonde head bowed. He's reading the hymnal and singing along.

He's four.

The hymn is 'Rejoice, The Lord is King'

I watch my husband rub John's head, see his large hand on John's small head. See my children in church. Squirming, but there. Listening to every tenth word. They are learning.

Rejoice. The Lord is King.